Madness Journal day three

(written on Friday)

It seems to have come to this. Plainly, I am going insane. Not slowly or subtly but with the worrying speed of mud rushing into a flash flood. With the rapidly vanishing mind of one walking down this path, I feel it somewhat necessary to document the process.

While my own dimming resources are a source of amusement to me, the reason for it is something I am loathe to discuss. Many people know that I am a writer by habit, and almost as many know that it pains me to speak of it, but here is the root of the problem. That’s a lie. The root of the problem is that I have no job, and when I am bored, I write to take the edge off. I’ve written three books and had one published by the delightful scam artists at Publish America. The problem for me is that a writer of books is an author, one of screenplays is a screenwriter, one of newspaper columns is a journalist. A writer that falls into none of these categories is a failure and the name “writer” is a euphemism for it.

Knowing that I was a writer, my baby brother bought me a book on how to write a screenplay. Its pages are now darkened and bent by my reading them and referencing them. I wrote two screenplays, almost entirely for practice at the form. Then one day, Brian told me I should write a television pilot. I was not quite done with the second screenplay, and tend to give my projects the single minded attention of a buzz saw, so I politely ignored him then. When I finished the project, however, my mind wandered to what kind of show I might write.

Brian gave me a number of pointers and I have begun work on my “Bible” (apparently a synopsis of every detail of the show before you begin). That was three days ago. I’ve now written a full synopsis of five episodes, notes on nine more and full bios of the seven person ensemble cast. I wouldn’t say they’re real to me, but they’re no longer vague mishmashes of traits either. They have form and substance, and I can almost hear the dialog.

So here I am, three days into madness, and wondering where to go from here.